Penn Street vs Jordans Taverners T20

Penn Street CC 141-6 (D. Adams 55*: N. Gradel 3-17) beat Jordans Taverners CC 140-5 (K. Oberoi 8, C. Hunter 35) by 4 wickets.

Readers of a nervous disposition – of which there are surely many – may wish to sit down before reading this. The following few paragraphs will feature descriptions of events so horrendous it is to be hoped that they are never repeated upon the hallowed green sward of Penn Street Common, but also of other events so remarkable that it is feared that they, too, may never be repeated upon the hallowed green sward of Penn Street Common. In short, therefore, being seated will both put you closer to the sick bucket and give you less far to fall when you faint in surprise. We recommend taking a strong anti-emetic and a good sniff of smelling salts before reading further.

Captain for the evening was birthday boy, Penn Street legend and all-round Welshman Hywel ‘Dave’ Jones. Unfortunately, Jordans’ skipper Ashley Turney was in no mood for birthday presents and elected to bat on winning the toss, thus condemning PSCC to batting in the evening gloom.

Still, all did not seem to be lost. PSCC had a new red ball, thus confounding a Jordans side only used to playing with their own Stupid Pink Balls. They had the seasoned opening partnership of David Adams and Matthew Hewlett to use those red balls. And they had a deep batting lineup that would surely see them home before it got too dark to see anything. It was all going to be fine.

[Gory bit alert]

But wait! What was this? Josh Tollerfield was taking the field wearing a pair of CROCS? How could such depravity be tolerated in Penn Street? Something had to be done, and was done as he was offered a pair of black trainers two sizes too big for him. Well, if you’re going to take the field wearing the sort of shoes usually worn by clowns, you might as well go the whole hog. There was, apparently, an explanation for such outrageous conduct. We forget the exact words, but it was something along the lines of ‘Mummy forgot to pack my boots, but it is OK as she is bringing them soon’.

OK, you can come out from behind the sofa now, the worst bit is over. Tollerfield was eventually reunited with his errant footwear, but not before the Jordans opening pair had taken advantage of the distraction to see off the opening four overs at a healthy, if not exactly enthusiastic, run rate. Captain Birthday decided that a change was called for. Enter PSCC’s leading candidate for ‘Australian Player of the PSCC Season’, Sam Saunders.

The over which followed is best thought of as an exercise in psychological warfare. It might not have been what Steve Waugh described as ‘mental disintegration’, but whatever it was, it worked. After a number of balls had yielded precisely one legitimate delivery for a total of seven runs, Saunders unleased a quicker ball that was straight, short of a length and which the startled batter could only spoon into the waiting hands of Adams at midwicket.

Now you need to sit down again.

The wicket brought in the aforementioned Jordan’s captain, a man who has on several occasions batted PSCC out of these games and who on this occasion was proudly wearing his MCC sweater. It was time for a bowling change at the Wood End and for Jones to call upon his most experienced/oldest bowler – who almost immediately produced an absolute peach of a ball which drifted from outside off to middle, pitched, straightened and bowled Turney through the gate.

We know, we wouldn’t believe it either, but there were witnesses. We suspect that the batter got his hands stuck in his posh sweater, because the only other explanation is that the Club Secretary (for it was he) picked a damp Friday night in August to finally bowl a decent ball.

Don’t get up just yet. We’ll tell you when.

The next few overs saw something of a revival for Jordans, as Cam Hunter and Liam Symonds, capable batters both, added 53 in six overs. They were lucky to get that many, though. In the fifth of those six overs Caitlin Macken, replacing Saunders at the Pub End, tried Saunders’ ‘surprise straight ball’ trick. The batter fell for it again. This time it was Saunders himself at mid-wicket, poised like the legendary drop bear, waiting to pounce. The ball hit his hands…and bounced up…and hit his hands again…and bounced down…and this continued for what felt like half an hour before the ball finally came to rest on the ground. It’s a good job that the bowler only has another four weeks of school holiday to stew on that one.

The PSCC fielders were still getting their breath back after laughing at all this when, to everyone’s astonishment, the Secretary only went and bowled another good ball.

Having finally worked out that the left-handed Hunter was really quite adept at hitting him for six if he bowled at his legs, he threw a couple of tasty morsels outside off stump instead. For once it was the Hunter who took the bait, and an airy drive produced nothing more than a faint edge through to Jones, who had decided that captaincy was too easy and that he needed to keep wicket as well.

OK, you can move now. Please do so carefully and sit down again if still feeling faint with all of this unusual behaviour.

After this it was time for some sort of normality. Hewlett and Jones returned and picked up a wicket each in their last overs, Symonds going to a flying catch by Chris Lovewell at mid-off, the excellence of which was only match by the squeal of joy he let out as he landed. Adams by contrast had to wait for the last ball of his spell to york Kamran Oberoi, whose hefty blows took him to Jordans’ highest score and the innings to a respectable 140-5.

The light was already fading when Tollerfield and Ajith Pillai went out to open the PSCC innings. The first over brought just five runs and in the second Tollerfield, no doubt still unused to his normal footwear, edged an outswinger from Nick Gradel and was brilliantly caught by a diving Turney at slip.

Two overs later Ben Hobbs was castled by the same bowler and when Pillai chipped a ball to Hunter at cover Gradel had his third wicket, six overs had gone by and PSCC had only 23 on the board.

Cometh the hour, cometh the birthday boy? Not quite. Jones and Lovewell tried to rebuild the innings and doubled the score in four overs, but then Turney again got in on the action, taking a much simpler chance off the bowling of Tim Sonnex to dismiss Lovewell.

That was 47-4 and it was soon 56-5 when Richard Spooner skied another catch off Sonnex, this time taken by Tom McIntyre. It was at this moment that the defining moment of the match occurred. Adams was the next man in and smashed his first ball low to mid-off, where Jamie Hungin got hands to the chance but spilled it.

Hungin damaged his thumb in the process but made some amends with the first ball of the following over when he had Jones caught behind by Symonds. The score was now 58-6. There were fewer than eight overs left. Hewlett walked in knowing that (a) it was dark (b) there was only Saunders left who could really hold a bat and (c) it was getting really dark.

Out of this darkness came PSCC’s heroes. They smashed the rest of that Hungin over for 14. The next over went for 12 and the following one for 19. Suddenly PSCC were over the hundred mark. Adams was hitting the ball like he was batting in the midday sun. Hewlett was intelligently working the strike so that Adams faced as many balls as possible. Two more overs went for 13 apiece. Surely PSCC were home now?

No! There was more drama. Adams began hobbling and stretching his calf. ‘Cramp’, the sages on the boundary announced. Footwork went out of the equation, but somehow Adams kept finding the boundary. Hewlett joined in, with a huge six of his own and couple of fours. Adams reached a muted half century and bravely kept going on one leg, hopping the last few runs to finish unbeaten on 55, Hewlett his able foil with possibly the best 20 not out he will ever make.

What a game. What a finish. But at what cost? We all wish Dave Adams a speedy recovery from what has turned out to be a torn calf muscle.

PSCC: Ajith Pillai, Josh ‘Clown’ Tollerfield, Ben Hobbs, Hywel ‘Dave’ Jones (c/wk), Chris Lovewell, Richard Spooner, David Adams, Matthew Hewlett, Sam Saunders, Richard O’Hagan, Caitlin Macken.